Oh this is such a beautiful insight into the addiction of busyness. Something my heart and soul keep reminding me of. So much so that slow, simple and intentional have become my life’s focus and deep work. Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope you are feeling back to your beautiful vibrant self. Looking forward to soaking in more of your insights. Just Subscribed! 💖💖💖
Thank you so much Catherine, glad it struck a chord. I must write, haven't written for a long while, I've been busy (!!!) as my daughter is living with me again.
Oh, that's exciting. I hope you're enjoying your time with your daughter. Looking forward to soaking in your words, whenever you're ready to share. Sending love 💖
what a moving read. Thank you so much for writing this Jenny. It was so lovely to connect with you at yoga today. :-)
This, '...torched my identity on a pyre of anger, anguish and denial,' really speaks to me. It made me think of how we hang onto our identities even when they don't serve us any more. And anger is such a powerful and misunderstood emotion. 'Nice' or 'caring' people aren't supposed to get angry, and they are supposed to keep giving even when it's clear that that giving is making no difference or the person being given to isn't taking any responsibility for themselves. (I am thinking of some of my own relationships here).
I would love to hear more about why you hate the term carer. So much is expected of caring people. They are expected to just keep giving and they often do, but how many of them realise how they are really feeling underneath that protection mechanism? I have had some revelations in recent years of how I have been holding so much chronic anger (aka resentment) instead of putting my stake in the ground and having firm boundaries about what I am and am not willing to do any more. Fortunately I have learned ways of releasing that anger safely but it's taking time...
Karen, so much beautiful strength here! Anger is a tricky one for us all, especially for women who were raised to be 'nice'. And being nice also eases us into caring, which is a massive bear trap for the unwary soul. I also agree with you, these shadow emotions, the ones so long denied and not given a place in our lives, may be hard to coax out into the light, hard to give voice to and harder still to feel comfortable with. I'm still struggling to cry even though I know my heart is full of tears.
Now then how long have you got?
I don't like the term carer or caregiver because I think its one of those labels that promotes wilful blindness - we all think we know what caregiving is, when really, it is a complex knot of emotion, action and decision making. It is a role that can easily be dismissed and just as easily be abused by professionls. It also carries a wide range of professional, financial, social and emotional consequences that impact the person's life - as well as the one who is being supported for who may also object to being cared for - rather they may see themselves as someone who is experiencing their own journey to wellness alongside those supporting them, and that does not necessarily mean they are a broken or disabled or dependent.
It is the hardest thing, to stand back, let go, accept that you aren’t making a difference, recognise the damage to yourself and close ones. You write beautifully, Jenny, and I’m so sorry that your immobilisation was imposed on you. However, you have opened yourself up to vitally important truths and have turned your very challenging situation into a truly inspirational piece. It reached me at a critical point of despair after 7 years of my own version of doing too much for MAC. Thank you so very much. Chris
Hi Chris, thank you so very much for reading and for your kind comment. I'm so sorry you are in a tough place too, I think we are brought to our knees by our instinctive desire to put things right, to sacrifice ourselves in the name of love. Eventually though, we discover we are not mother/father gods and goddesses, we are mortal and we all have limits and we also all have lives that are calling to us to be lived, not endured.
Oh this is such a beautiful insight into the addiction of busyness. Something my heart and soul keep reminding me of. So much so that slow, simple and intentional have become my life’s focus and deep work. Thank you for sharing your journey. I hope you are feeling back to your beautiful vibrant self. Looking forward to soaking in more of your insights. Just Subscribed! 💖💖💖
Thank you so much Catherine, glad it struck a chord. I must write, haven't written for a long while, I've been busy (!!!) as my daughter is living with me again.
Oh, that's exciting. I hope you're enjoying your time with your daughter. Looking forward to soaking in your words, whenever you're ready to share. Sending love 💖
Thanks Catherine, so glad there was resonnance for you. I havent written for a while but am coming back soon, thanks for subscribing.
Dear Jenny,
what a moving read. Thank you so much for writing this Jenny. It was so lovely to connect with you at yoga today. :-)
This, '...torched my identity on a pyre of anger, anguish and denial,' really speaks to me. It made me think of how we hang onto our identities even when they don't serve us any more. And anger is such a powerful and misunderstood emotion. 'Nice' or 'caring' people aren't supposed to get angry, and they are supposed to keep giving even when it's clear that that giving is making no difference or the person being given to isn't taking any responsibility for themselves. (I am thinking of some of my own relationships here).
I would love to hear more about why you hate the term carer. So much is expected of caring people. They are expected to just keep giving and they often do, but how many of them realise how they are really feeling underneath that protection mechanism? I have had some revelations in recent years of how I have been holding so much chronic anger (aka resentment) instead of putting my stake in the ground and having firm boundaries about what I am and am not willing to do any more. Fortunately I have learned ways of releasing that anger safely but it's taking time...
I look forward to reading more.
Much love
Karen
Karen, so much beautiful strength here! Anger is a tricky one for us all, especially for women who were raised to be 'nice'. And being nice also eases us into caring, which is a massive bear trap for the unwary soul. I also agree with you, these shadow emotions, the ones so long denied and not given a place in our lives, may be hard to coax out into the light, hard to give voice to and harder still to feel comfortable with. I'm still struggling to cry even though I know my heart is full of tears.
Now then how long have you got?
I don't like the term carer or caregiver because I think its one of those labels that promotes wilful blindness - we all think we know what caregiving is, when really, it is a complex knot of emotion, action and decision making. It is a role that can easily be dismissed and just as easily be abused by professionls. It also carries a wide range of professional, financial, social and emotional consequences that impact the person's life - as well as the one who is being supported for who may also object to being cared for - rather they may see themselves as someone who is experiencing their own journey to wellness alongside those supporting them, and that does not necessarily mean they are a broken or disabled or dependent.
It is the hardest thing, to stand back, let go, accept that you aren’t making a difference, recognise the damage to yourself and close ones. You write beautifully, Jenny, and I’m so sorry that your immobilisation was imposed on you. However, you have opened yourself up to vitally important truths and have turned your very challenging situation into a truly inspirational piece. It reached me at a critical point of despair after 7 years of my own version of doing too much for MAC. Thank you so very much. Chris
Hi Chris, thank you so very much for reading and for your kind comment. I'm so sorry you are in a tough place too, I think we are brought to our knees by our instinctive desire to put things right, to sacrifice ourselves in the name of love. Eventually though, we discover we are not mother/father gods and goddesses, we are mortal and we all have limits and we also all have lives that are calling to us to be lived, not endured.